Our Daughter Demands We Fund Her Second Wedding

For three months now, our daughter has been pleading with us, sometimes insulting us, emotionally blackmailing us, and even threatening my husband and me. This is not a child asking for a toy, but a 27-year-old woman demanding that we pay for her wedding.

Her second wedding, to be precise.

This time, we cannot – and, more importantly, we do not wish – to take on such a significant expense for a project whose outcome we have already witnessed once before.

We have only one child. Her birth was the result of a long journey fraught with difficulties: years of fertility treatment, several unsuccessful attempts, an anxious pregnancy, and a difficult delivery. When she finally arrived in the world, we felt we had received a true miracle.

It is only natural, then, that we wanted to give her the very best. We have always watched over her with particular care and tried to give her every chance to succeed.

I have always struggled to refuse her anything. My husband and I eventually divided our roles: I comforted her and showered her with affection, while he was able to set boundaries. When I felt that I should say no but lacked the courage, I would ask her to speak to her father. He found it easier to keep a cool head.

Around the time she turned nine, I realised that giving in to all her desires risked doing her a disservice. So I learned, not without difficulty, to impose certain limits on her. Despite this, I readily admit that we sometimes spoiled her too much.

From the day she was born, we had started saving to buy her a flat when she became an adult. On her eighteenth birthday, she was already the owner of a lovely studio in a good neighbourhood. We had also funded a quality renovation so that she would not have to redo the work a few years later.

We had even set aside money to buy furniture with her when the time came.

At that time, she was pursuing her studies at university, and our expenses were already significant. Fortunately, we had also long planned for her education costs.

She was delighted to receive her flat, but she did not want to leave the family home immediately. The money set aside for furniture therefore remained in my husband’s bank account.

Then, at twenty, she announced that she wanted to get married.

We tried to convince her not to rush, to let time test their relationship. Nothing worked. She told us that everything was already decided and that, if we loved her, we should simply be happy for her.

To be honest, we were mostly worried. She was still very young, without any real experience of independent life, and her fiancé was also a student. We found it hard to believe they were ready to build a family together.

Very quickly, she asked us to fund a large wedding.

According to her, a wedding happens only once in a lifetime, and that day had to be unforgettable.

The amount she was asking for was considerable, and we did not have that money available.

My husband eventually told her:

‘There is some savings left. It is a little less than what you are asking for, but your fiancé’s parents may be able to contribute. However, that money is intended for the furniture in your flat. If you use it for the wedding, you may well end up sleeping on the floor.’

Our daughter assured us that would not be a problem. Her fiancé’s parents would lend them some furniture to begin with, and they would buy the rest later.

We had our doubts, but we eventually agreed to respect her choice. A lavish wedding… which lasted barely a year.

The ceremony was beautiful. The photographs were stunning, and the memories seemed full of promise.

But in the end, those photographs were practically the only thing that remained of that union.

A year later, they divorced.

Fortunately, they had no children.

Neither we nor her former husband’s parents were genuinely surprised. The two young spouses were simply not ready to take on the responsibilities of married life.

Our daughter came back to live with us for a while. It was simpler to share the same fridge than to maintain two separate households.

After completing her studies, she found a job and finally moved into her flat.

In the meantime, my husband and I had started saving again to help her gradually furnish her home.

Little by little, we bought her a wardrobe, a kitchen, a washing machine, and various essential equipment.

She covered her day-to-day expenses, food, clothing, and bills, but without our help, she would have continued living with an old sofa, a few stools, and a small cooker.

Then, three months ago, she came back to tell us some news.

Her partner had just proposed.

This time, at least, they had lived together before making their decision.

That said, whenever there was a leaky tap or a shelf to rehang, it was always her father she called. Nothing really suggested that a man was involved in the maintenance of the home.

Despite our reservations, we congratulated her and wished her every happiness.

I honestly thought they would settle for a simple civil ceremony.

I was wrong.

This Time, We Said No

Our daughter wanted a wedding dress, a reception, a venue, guests, and all the organisation that accompanies a grand ceremony.

And, once again, she expected us to fund it all.

My husband calmly reminded her that we had already paid for a wedding that was supposed to last a lifetime.

That first celebration had cost us a considerable sum. With that money, we could have finished furnishing her flat entirely. Instead, all that remained today were a few photographs and memories.

Our daughter replied that this time the situation was different.

According to her, she had been young and immature during her first marriage, whereas now her relationship was serious.

I then offered her an alternative solution.

‘If this relationship is as strong as you say it is, then organise this wedding yourselves. You both work, you have no rent to pay since you already own a flat. Save for a year, and you will be able to fund the wedding of your dreams.’

She flatly refused to wait.

She explained that she wanted to have a child soon and that she did not have time to save.

I told her that it was perfectly possible to have a civil ceremony, to celebrate simply with family and close friends, and then to put their savings towards their future child, because raising a child also involves significant expenses.

But she did not want a modest ceremony.

She kept repeating that she wanted a ‘real’ wedding, not just a signature at the town hall.

This time, however, my husband and I stood firm.

On the one hand, we no longer have the financial means. On the other hand, we do not wish to fund what appears to us as yet another whim.

For three months, she has been bringing it up constantly.

Recently, she has even resorted to threats. She claims that if we refuse to pay for her wedding, we will never see our future grandchildren.

We find this attitude deeply unfair. To say that we no longer care about her, after everything we have done for her, is particularly hard to hear.

Key Takeaways

Supporting your child is one thing. Responding without limits to every one of their demands is quite another. After years of financial and personal support, some parents consider it legitimate to set boundaries, even if that decision is difficult for their grown child to accept.

Our daughter’s reaction is painful, but we remain convinced that our refusal is not an act of rejection. It is an act of love – the love of parents who understand that constantly giving in does not help a child become a responsible adult. We hope that, in time, she will come to see that we made this decision not out of spite, but out of a sincere desire for her to build her own future on solid foundations.

At 27, she has the means and the ability to make her own choices. It is time for her to take full responsibility for those choices, including the financial aspects. Our role as parents is no longer to grant every wish, but to be there for her in ways that truly matter, without compromising our own financial security or enabling behaviour we believe is misguided.